Remember Me When I'm Gone Read online

  KEVIN CONWAY

  He played many characters, both dark and funny.

  Won some awards, made a little money.

  Great writers provided his wit and his soul.

  How much was Kevin? How much the role?

  His life and career became a mixed brew.

  Who lies under here? I haven’t a clue!

  One regret though, I guess no big thing.

  He never once appeared on Larry King.

  KEVIN CONWAY has acted in a variety of films and television programs. He starred in Slaughterhouse Five and PBS’s The Scarlet Letter and is perhaps best known for his Broadway and television portrayal of Dr. Frederick Treves in The Elephant Man.

  CATHY LEE CROSBY

  Her love, laughter, honor, caring and joy for life are as alive as ever, and will remain radiant and fully expressed in the hearts of all those whose life she touched.

  *Disclaimer: The opinions expressed above do not necessarily reflect the view of Heaven, its CEO, or any affiliates thereunder.

  CATHY LEE CROSBY has appeared in a wide variety of feature films, miniseries, and made-for-TV films and is also an accomplished athlete. The daughter of Linda Hayes and Lawrence Welk Show announcer Lou Crosby, she starred in the 1974 made-for-TV film The New, Original Wonder Woman and went on to co-host television’s That’s Incredible.

  KATHRYN CROSBY

  To top the earthly

  Life I’ve led,

  Heaven will have to be

  Spectacular!

  KATHRYN CROSBY is an actress and an author. She hosts the annual Crosby Golf Tournament in Winston-Salem, North Carolina, in honor of her late husband, Bing Crosby. She appeared on Bing’s Christmas specials and on The Kathryn Crosby Show as well as in several Broadway productions, including Much Ado About Nothing and Pygmalion.

  NORM CROSBY

  When as I die of age or ill,

  And there I lie, stone cold and still;

  When as you stare upon my shroud,

  Good friends beware don’t speak too loud.

  For though my pulse no longer is perking,

  The hearing aids might still be working.

  NORM CROSBY is a comedic actor who is perhaps best known for his witty malapropisms featured on The Ed Sullivan Show.

  TED DANSON

  Be back in a minute.

  TED DANSON is a two-time Emmy Award and Golden Globe–winning actor. He starred as barkeeper Sam Malone in the beloved sitcom Cheers and has appeared in television and film, where his credits include Three Men and a Baby and Mumford.

  ROBERT DAVI

  This was written in his will: If I, Robert Davi, should meet my demise before I win my Oscars, then just write on my tombstone:

  In life awards are the last things on my mind. I’d rather be remembered as a great dad to my two boys Oscar and Tony and my two beautiful little girls Emmy and Oscaretta, and of course, my pet dog, Razzy. Try the veal! I’ll be here all eternity!

  ROBERT DAVI is one of Hollywood’s most beloved bad guys, having played the villain role in numerous television shows and movie features, including Contract on Cherry Street with Frank Sinatra and The Goonies. He recently starred as Merlin in The Sorcerer’s Apprentice and did voice work on the video game Grand Theft Auto: Vice City.

  LARAINE DAY

  Coming home.

  LARAINE DAY is an actress who has appeared in a wide variety of television programs and feature films. She starred as Nurse Mary Lamont in the Dr. Kildare series of movies. She is the author of two books, Day With Giants and The America We Love.

  JUDI DENCH

  She had a great sense of humour.

  DAME JUDI DENCH is a multiple-award-winning actress who was awarded the Order of the British Empire in 1970 and made Dame of the British Empire in 1988. She stars in the British television comedy As Time Goes By and has appeared in several films, including Mrs. Brown, Shakespeare in Love, and Iris.

  JOHN DYKSTRA

  I’m surprised at how hard it is to think of something to say about myself after I’m dead considering how much practice I had while I was alive.

  JOHN DYKSTRA is a producer and an award-winning special and visual effects expert. He received an Academy Award in 1977 for his visual effects work in Star Wars. He was also nominated for an Academy Award for his work in Stuart Little, Star Trek: The Motion Picture, and Spider-Man.

  ELVIRA

  If they ever ask about me when I’m gone, tell ’em I was more than just a great set of boobs. I was also an incredible pair of legs.

  And tell ’em I never turned down a friend. I never turned down a stranger for that matter.

  And tell ’em that when all is said and done, I only ask that people remember me by two simple words . . . any two, as long as they’re simple.

  ELVIRA, also known as “Mistress of the Dark,” is a Hollywood persona who has come to epitomize vamp. She has starred in numerous cult films; her alter ego, Cassandra Peterson, also appears in a number of films.

  ROBERT ENGLUND

  An actor’s career ebbs and flows,

  Forgotten highs, remembered lows.

  Stage, movies, countless TV shows,

  Remembered highs, forgotten lows.

  With over sixty movies, the one you knew best

  Was that horror icon from the ’80s

  That gave you no rest.

  Quick-witted and trained,

  He knew all his lines.

  He liked foreign locations

  And drinking fine wine.

  He was on set on time,

  And ready to go,

  From Bucharest to Budapest,

  From Stowe to Idaho.

  Freddy Krueger’s to blame

  For endless dream kills.

  And provided the world

  With matinee thrills.

  So here lies Robert Englund

  And you know what that means.

  He will wait an eternity

  To wish you sweet dreams.

  ROBERT ENGLUND is an actor who is perhaps best known for his terrifying portrayal of Freddy Krueger in the Nightmare on Elm Street series.

  ROBERT EVANS

  Living well is the best revenge!

  ROBERT EVANS is a Hollywood producer who has brought the public such successful and award–winning films as Chinatown and The Godfather. His autobiography, The Kid Stays in the Picture, was recently released as a documentary film.

  PETER FALK

  How do I want to be remembered?

  Well, that’s obvious! I want to be remembered as the outstanding homicide detective who was in reality an undiscovered Picasso.

  PETER FALK is a multiple Emmy Award–winning actor who is best known for his role as the title character in the hit television series Columbo. He won a Tony Award in 1972 for his performance in Neil Simon’s comedy The Prisoner of Second Avenue, and has since appeared in several films, including The Princess Bride.

  RHONDA FLEMING

  Here lies a Godly woman, whose caring and compassion was to help the hurting and the needy, including women, children, and animals.

  RHONDA FLEMING is a film, television, and stage actress who is also a well-known philanthropist and humanitarian. She has acted with many of Hollywood’s leading men, including Bing Crosby, Bob Hope, and Ronald Reagan.

  MILOS FORMAN

  I am speechless. Trust me.

  MILOS FORMAN is a Czechoslovakian-born filmmaker who has directed many Academy Award–winning films, including the classics One Flew Over the Cuckoo’s Nest and Amadeus. His recent films include The People vs. Larry Flynt and Man on the Moon. He also served as director of Columbia University’s film division.

  ANTHONY FRANCIOSA

  As I lie here I can’t help thinking

  My life has been a joke—

  And it’s no laughing matter.

  ANTHONY FRANCIOSA is an actor who has appeared in a wide variety of films and television series as well as on stage. He received an Academy Award nomination for his performance
in A Hatful of Rain and also starred in the television sitcom Valentine’s Day.

  BEVERLY GARLAND

  Pioneering leading lady who starred in fourty-one films and more than seven hundred television programs while raising four children. From 1950 to 2002 co-starred opposite Hollywood’s greatest leading men and was a regular on eight TV series. In 1957 became the first actress to star in the title role of a TV dramatic series, Decoy. In 1983 awarded her star on Hollywood Walk of Fame. After her husband of thirty-nine years died in 1999, devoted more of her time and energy to the hotel he built and named after her, The Beverly Garland Holiday Inn in North Hollywood, CA.

  BEVERLY GARLAND is an actress who has appeared in hundreds of television shows and movies, including such classics as The Bing Crosby Show, My Three Sons, and Remington Steele.

  BRAD GARRETT

  Leave the gun, take the cannolis.

  If this is heaven, where are all the strip joints?

  At least I’m not in France.

  Lincoln is shorter in person.

  I’d rather be breathing.

  Joke’s over, lemme out.

  What’s with all the angels?

  It’s Sinatra’s heaven, God just lives in it.

  BRAD GARRETT is a comedic actor who began his career as a stand-up comedian and now stars as Raymond’s brother on the hit television program Everybody Loves Raymond. He has lent his unforgettable voice to The Transformers, The Jetsons, and Toonsylvania.

  LARRY GELBART

  Having the last laugh is highly overrated.

  LARRY GELBART is a distinguished screenwriter and producer. He produced and wrote for the television classic M*A*S*H and wrote the screenplays for A Funny Thing Happened on the Way to the Forum (with Burt Shevelove), Oh, God!, and Tootsie.

  MARLA GIBBS

  Our world reflects our collective consciousness. I hope that consciousness is no longer comfortable living in extreme wealth while others suffer in starvation and homelessness. That fame and fortune no longer rule the day or exploit the masses, but are seen as opportunities to share those creative gifts with others to bring hope and joy. My hope is that I will have in some way, small or large, contributed to this achievement, if only in a private, spiritual way. I’ll be ready to leave thirty at last.

  MARLA GIBBS is an award-winning actress who starred in The Jeffersons and 227.

  ROBERT GOULET

  I will be remembered by my family and friends.

  There will be sadness and some tears, but shared memories will evoke much laughter and that will make me happy.

  They should discern a chortle from my urn.

  My epitaph shall read: “He left them smiling!”

  ROBERT GOULET is an award-winning singer and performer who has appeared on Broadway and in film. He starred in the Broadway production of Camelot and won a Tony Award for his performance in The Happy Time.

  SPALDING GRAY

  Spalding Gray was born in 1941 in Providence, RI. He was a loving and devoted father to his two sons, Forrest and Theo, and his stepdaughter, Marissa Maier. He loved and cherished his wife, Kathleen Russo.

  Most of all, Spalding will be remembered for his autobiographical monologues in which he would sit on stage at a table with a glass of water and talk for more than an hour and a half, telling true stories from his life. He was like a talking everyman because his life, although a little eccentric, was not that different from all of ours. Only he would be able to capture in such vivid detail, and highlight it with such humor, that it caused audiences both to laugh and relate.

  Spalding was an American Original and the “Talking Man” will be deeply missed.

  SPALDING GRAY is a performer and actor who is best known for his eloquent monologues, the most famous of which is Swimming to Cambodia. He co-founded the experimental Wooster Theatre Group, whose graduates include Willem Dafoe.

  DOLORES HART

  Remember, O Virgin Mother, when you stand in the presence of God to speak to Him of the good that is in us, that He might turn his indignation from us.

  REVEREND MOTHER DOLORES HART was an actress in the 1950s, starring opposite Elvis Presley, before changing her life path and joining a Benedictine order of nuns.

  TIPPI HEDREN

  As in the true meaning of the Sanskrit word Shambala, she did her best to make a difference in the hope of making the world a meeting place of peace and harmony for all beings, animal and human!

  TIPPI HEDREN is an actress who starred in the cult classic The Birds, directed by Alfred Hitchcock. She is the mother of actress Melanie Griffith.

  MARIEL HEMINGWAY

  Mariel lived her life in the knowledge that life is a test. She knew too well that her path brought pain as well as joy. Her aim was to observe both with equanimity. Whether or not she was successful is of no matter, as now she exists in the ever-new joy of God’s love. The same love that envelops her now is guiding her family. In that knowledge there is comfort and all is well.

  MARIEL HEMINGWAY is an actress who has starred in a variety of films. She received an Academy Award nomination for her role in Woody Allen’s Manhattan and went on to star in Personal Best. She is the granddaughter of Ernest Hemingway.

  FLORENCE HENDERSON

  In the Beginning there was Faith, Hope and Love

  In the End there was Faith, Hope and Love

  In the Middle—I had my doubts.

  FLORENCE HENDERSON is an actress who starred as Carol Brady on the long-running and highly acclaimed television classic The Brady Bunch.

  JUDD HIRSCH

  If this life was considered by all learned men to be the real one, he certainly hoped the next one would afford him a better beginning.

  JUDD HIRSCH is an actor who has appeared on Broadway as well as in a variety of film and television roles. He is a two-time winner of both the Emmy Award and the Tony Award. He starred as Alex Reiger in Taxi and received a Golden Globe Award for his performance as John Lacey in Dear John.

  SHIRLEY JONES AND MARTY INGELS

  Tough when you’ve survived 640 married years (through meditation and separation and therapy and Prozac and subpoenas and counseling and hand-to-hand combat) even your eulogies have to be coordinated!

  SHIRLEY JONES

  It’s been a year, my husband dear

  (You never were a liar)

  You said you’d come if I went first

  So where in blazes are ya?

  MARTY INGELS

  My Wife, my Love, my Soul Mate

  Promised true to follow me.

  And so, right near beside me here

  I trust there lies all three.

  SHIRLEY JONES and MARTY INGELS are both successful actors who have starred in a variety of films and television programs. Shirley Jones is an Academy Award–winning veteran of film and stage and also starred in the television classic The Partridge Family. Marty Ingels is a stand-up comedian, actor, and agent.

  KATO KAELIN

  I guess my fifteen minutes are up!

  KATO KAELIN is America’s favorite houseguest.

  STACY KEACH

  Here lies Stacy Keach

  A Georgia peach

  Lived at the beach

  Now out of reach.

  STACY KEACH is an actor who has appeared in such blockbuster films as The Heart Is a Lonely Hunter and American History X. He also starred in the Fox television series Titus and as the title role in the television series Mike Hammer.

  JACK KLUGMAN

  I hope I have left this earth without a single skeleton in my closet.

  JACK KLUGMAN is an actor who is perhaps best known for his Emmy Award–winning performances as Oscar Madison in the long-running hit series The Odd Couple.

  SHIRLEY KNIGHT

  I am grateful that during my life I became enlightened enough to understand that violence is not a viable option. I am saddened that others were not similarly blessed.

  SHIRLEY KNIGHT is an accomplished actress who has appeared in a wide variety of films, television program
s, and Broadway theater productions, including Sweet Bird of Youth opposite Paul Newman and television’s Outer Limits.

  ALAN LADD JR.

  Behind the quiet, humble façade Alan Ladd managed to grab two Academy Awards, raise four daughters, and play a mean game of tennis. Never one to brag, Laddie, as his friends called him, lived a full life. A devoted football fan, his year started after Labor Day and finished with the big game. He was a great humanitarian, generous with his time, money, and advice. His wife once said, “He was very conservative, except when it came to houses and movies, and then he was a riverboat gambler.” Whether you knew him for a minute or a lifetime, you were always the better for it.